What Doesn’t BlackBerry Do To Try To Survive?

in BlackBerry, Mobile | by Jon-Paul Raymond | 0 05.02.2013
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Blackberry’s new 10 line of smartphones are pretty nice, but who would know?

On January 31, BlackBerry began what may be their real last chance at remaining a real competitor of sort in the mobile markets . Their two latest developments, the Z10 and the Q10 have some nice features, but no one in the mobile circle really expects nice features to be the key to BlackBerry pulling off their survival. BlackBerry doesn’t seem to think that just advertising great smartphone features is the way to go either, but their proving that in ways most of probably would not.

With So Much Smoke And So Many Mirrors We Forgot The Ad Was For A Phone

BlackBerry chose the Super Bowl to plug a television ad entitled, “What BlackBerry 10 CAN’T Do”. In the ad (as can be seen in the video above), some pretty amazing things occur. A guy ignites by instantaneous combustion and this he’s suddenly extinguished by instantaneous nothingness. Half his body then morphs into an elephants body as he walks around town half Genghis Khan / half pachyderm. A second or two later he then goes “poof” into a rainbow of powder that is somehow reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz or something. Then an amazing trick or two later he changes an imminently fatal collision between terrified bystanders and a massive truck into hundred of harmless little rubber duckies flying in the air, leaving only bath water and bubbles wanting in the scene. So, what does all this have to do with a smartphone? Well we’re still trying to figure that part out, but yeah, we agree, those are all things the BlackBerry 10 won’t be helping you do anytime soon.

Who On Earth Could Be More Qualified Than Alicia Keys?

Another one of BlackBerry’s latest antics – the hiring of corporate directors.

Question. What do you do when looking to survive in a volatile market over the next four quarters? Well of course, you try things not proven to work that other struggling companies have tried. You install a singer/piano player into a strategic corporate position.

It seems as though BlackBerry is simply following suit with what other companies have done that have also shared similar hardships. Struggling, bankrupt Polaroid chose Lady Gaga as their creative director a few years back. Intel chose Will.i.am a couple years back for their creative genius to create who knows what. And Blackberry is in between a Polaroid type bankruptcy status (if they’re not careful) and Intel’s “help us! ARM is cornering us” status as iOS and Android put the pressure on and seclude BlackBerry in a corner like a bad child. So all things considered, I suppose we can say – welcome Alicia Keys -BlackBerry’s new Global Creative Director. According to President and CEO of BlackBerry, Thorsten Heins.“Alicia Keys has come to BlackBerry because she believes in the product and technology, and subscribes to our overriding philosophy to ‘Keep Moving’: to empower people through mobile computing and communications”. Well there you have it… No wonder BlackBerry has problems.

What We’re Fairly Certain Of And What We Don’t Know At All (And Neither Does BlackBerry)

We wonder if it was a coincidence that Alicia Keys also had the grand opportunity to sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl, as she also signed on with BlackBerry as Global Creative Director. Well actually we don’t wonder if it was a coincidence, we’re pretty sure it wasn’t. Good move BlackBerry. We do wonder though if it’s really going to make a difference in BlackBerry sales. And so do they. With everyone trying to figure out what rainbow powder, pachyderms and rubber duckies have to do with their next smartphone purchase, it may not be easy.

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